Goddamn Constitution

“Stop throwing the Constitution in my face. It’s just a goddamned piece of paper!”

According to this article from Capitol Hill Blue, those are the words of OFFAL, spoken in the oval office while meeting with lawmakers on how to shore up the police state by keeping the privacy violating powers granted under the Patriot Act at the disposal of federal law enforcement.

Now, I don’t know what to make of this article, but I almost can’t even believe that OFFAL would say such a thing, having sworn to ‘uphold the Constitution’ and all that. But he has been reported to have said some fucked-up-shit-you-wouldn’t-believe before. So who knows?

Notwithstanding, I do take exception to the notion that the Constitution is ‘just a goddamned piece of paper’! The Constitution is a goddamned piece of parchment, which is animal skin! OFFAL should know this.

Granted, many modern transcripts of the Constitution are printed on paper, so perhaps if someone is actually ‘throwing the Constitution in OFFAL‘s face, it is one printed on paper. I’ll give him that. But, I ask, if the Constitution can be both ‘a goddamned piece of paper’ and ‘a goddamned piece of parchment’— heck, it can even be a bunch of goddamned electronic pixels flashing through the ether —then there must be something transcendent about it that allows it to exist in it’s many mediums. . .

Naah, it’s just a bunch of goddamned words and ideas and shit. Fuck it.

“Ever have one of them days when you wished the Constitution was a big goddamned stick? Or an anvil? Or a big fuckin’ stone statue?“