A Clockwork Strip Search

WHAT THREAT did school officials perceive that would lead them to “reasonably suspect” they should conduct a strip search on an 8th grader without bringing her parents in?

…school officials learned some students were allegedly bringing drugs and weapons to school. They learned students were planning to take pills at lunch after a student handed the vice principal a white pill that was identified as 400 milligrams of prescription-strength ibuprofen. [The Citizen]

Drugs! (A 400mg prescription-strength ibuprofen is equivalent to TWO over-the-counter 200mg Motrins.) And weapons!

“What’s it going to be then, eh?”

We sat in the School Cafeteria making up our rassoodocks what to do with the afternoon, a flip dark chill winter bastard though dry. One of our droogs, who often brought liquor or other veshches to peet our moloko with, was absent this afternoon, but we did manage to get our rookers on some 400-grain Ibuprong we could slosh down with our moloko. Milk with knives in it as we would call it, which would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of twenty-to-one. After lunch we’d roam the hallways, primed with nozies, and britvas, not just fisties and boots, for a malenky bit of ultra-violence.

We all had a good ha-ha when we viddied the weepy young devotchka pushing out of the headministress’ office, all folded up like she was filthy with the stinking pawprints of authority. The headministress was a skorry old babooshka with an eye for the young devotchkas in our school. one malachicka, a droog of ours, told that she was going to tell the rozzes the weepy one was tucking away Ibuprong. Which as you may guess, worked real horrorshow.