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ELECTION ’08: THE DECIDENING

January 4, 2008

Foreign Policy

POINT: Killin’ innocent people is wrong! It’s a shame that our system a massive military budgets an’ profiteerin’ doesn’t favor the helpin’ a folks who needs help instead. We need a leader who’ll change things around an’ give everybody hope. An’ healthcare. An’ unicorns. —Falkor

COUNTERPOINT: There are no innocents! People who don’t want to die shouldn’t live in war zones. The freedom to drive 10,000 lb. grocery-getters isn’t free! We need a strong, fatherly leader who isn’t afraid to get a little blood on his hands to preserve Our way of life. —Gizzard

COUNTER-COUNTERPOINT: Killing people is not unlike the proverbial skinning of cats. There are many ways to do it. If wars with bombs and guns and the flexing of lots of manly muscles, and dead heroes, do not suit your taste, then there are also oppressive sanction regimes with food programs so corrupt that starving people are actually the least of their concerns. We are the strong. They are the weak. The strong will live, and many hundreds of thousands of the weak will not make it through the next presidential term. We must not lose sight of what is truly most important: that the policy behind these killing instruments cannot, and must not change. We must each chose the leader that makes us feel best when they talk about how their actions and decisions will kill thousands of people (without actually coming out and saying they’re going to kill thousands of people.) —Chaplain Montag of the First Knights of the 19 Quart Lobster Pot

Democracy Now!: Vote for Change? Atrocity-Linked U.S. Officials Advising Democratic, GOP Presidential Frontrunners
News and Comment: The US Election is Already Over. Murder and Preventable Death Have Won.

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