COMMENT OF THE WEEK
[URGENT: Mitt Romney is a stinker! Read Ken’s latest post below.]
Unofficial, early morning exit poll results caused several networks and publications to erroneously call the election for e nonnee moose, but the raw data would first have to be subjected to a closely guarded complicated secret algorithm known only to the Awards Committee before the true winner could be determined.
INTERNETS — Despite unofficial exit polling numbers, and the fact that a number of major networks have prematurely called the election in favor of e nonnee moose, I Miss Fafblog, Spot! is now calling the election for Everybody, including the Pope and his hamburger soup, for their work on The Brilliant Philosophical/Theological Discussion of Thomas’ Man Eating Lions.
“It’s important to remember that exit poll numbers are not official, and have never been a good prediction of election results,” the Awards Committee said. “[Exit poll] results do not take into account under-votes, or the large number of provisional ballots that were experienced.”
Provisional ballots cannot be counted unless a protracted legal battle first takes place. Traditionally, it has been held that in the best interests of The People and The Market— which both require certainty in order to function as intended —that The Loser declared by The Media concede the election as quickly as possible.
“It would be irresponsible and childish for e nonnee mouse [sic] to selfishly continue refusing to concede defeat,” said Vic Torry, an Everybody including the Pope and his hamburger soup supporter.
There were also concerns surrounding the alleged disenfranchisement of fifteen of the sixteen June Taylor Dancers and a woman named Joan Tyler of West Palm Beach, Florida, whose name was a close match for one purged from the voter rolls in the weeks prior to the election.
There are also unconfirmed reports that Moff Jerjerrod has either fallen, or leaped, to an unknown fate down a ninety story air shaft in the unfinished Death Star. It is unknown if these election results were a factor, but eye witnesses tell I Miss Fafblog, Spot! that there were no guardrails installed around the shaft opening.
Looking to move forward, the Awards Committee said simply, “Way to go, Everybody!” and added, “Thanks to Blue Gal for the linkage and continued support!”