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March 29, 2007

Bringing Hell Back

By Chaplain Montag
First Knights of the 19 Quart Lobster Pot

ROME — Many I Miss Fafblog, Spot! readers write in asking what they should make of the recent Catholic catechism explaining that Hell is a “state of eternal separation from God,” to be understood “symbolically rather than physically.”

From the Pope’s* recent statements though, we might understand the catechism far better if we replace, “state of eternal separation from God,” with, “eternal damnation — the inferno”; and replace, “symbolically rather than physically,” with, “really exists and is eternal.”

This is a much stronger position than the namby-pamby one advanced by the previous Pope who was both Heaven-skeptical and Hell-apologetical. That Pope called Heaven, “neither an abstraction nor a physical place in the clouds”; and claimed Hell was not “a place” but rather a “state” of being.

*Devout Fafmissen may recall that the current Pope Supremicus Magnifium Increate the Worldstomping is none other than the artist formerly known as Fafblog!’s Giblets.

P.S. There’s no Limbo, either. God doesn’t deal in half-measures.

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