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Gang Activity: Herman Experiences a Self-Perpetuating Cycle of Persecution When Dream Meets Delusion

December 13, 2006

Suggestion: read the original comic first to get a feel for the joke, then read the alternate version. You’re invited to leave your own take on the joke in our underpopulated comment section. Click here for past examples.

Bazooka Joe 32“You say last night you dreamt aliens appeared inside your house and probed you with your own Christmas tree?”

“That’s right! When I woke up the politically-correct police were coming through the door with a battering ram to repress my right to say ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Holidays’!”

[Post continued below.]

Check out this headline:
Student Expresses Personal Preference — Substitute Teacher, Forced to Contain Own Rage, Attempts Socratic Dialog, Composes One of the Most Egregiously Fallacious Pieces of Argumentation in the History of Blogging

[Actually, that’s my headline.] Actual headline: Christmas trees or winter trees?

The barely contained rage:

Recently, I was talking to some kids at school about our upcoming Christmas break. One of the boys said that he prefers to call it winter break because some people don’t celebrate Christmas. To me, those are fighting words.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Yes, thanks, and Season’s Greetings to you as well.”

“What did you just say?”

“I prefer to say ‘Season’s Greetings’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas.'”

“Them’s fightin’ words!”


“Prepare to defend yourself, damned motherfucker!”

The attempt at indoctrination disguised as Socratic dialog:

I told the young man that just because one chooses to not celebrate the holiday does not negate its existence. I then went on to talk about decorations in the stores. I asked him if they are called Christmas decorations or winter decorations. Of course, he answered, they are called Christmas decorations. I then asked, what are the trees called that we put in our homes and decorate? Are they Christmas trees or winter trees? Again, he stated they are Christmas trees.

Then I asked him about Thanksgiving, Easter, Independence Day…you get the picture. Are they holidays, I asked? Of course, he replied. Christmas is, too, I said. It is historical and there is a reason why it is celebrated, although different people celebrate it for different reasons.

“When does winter start?”

“December 22.”

“When does our upcoming school break start?”

“December 22.”

“Is Christmas one day, or eleven days?”

“It’s TWELVE!”

“Are you serious?”

“Ok, one.”

“Is this school break one day, or eleven days?”


“So, is calling it ‘Winter Break’ a false characterization?”

“Well— No.”

“And does my personal preference for calling it ‘Winter Break’ prevent you from calling it ‘Christmas Break,’ or harm you in any way whatsoever?”

“Why can’t I call it ‘Christmas Break’ without you piping in with your insolent ‘Winter Break’ talk?”

“Freedom of speech, teach! Besides, I’m a kid. We fuck with substitutes all the time.”

The egregiously fallacious argument:
If you don’t want to go read it yourself, just imagine an impassioned rant against political correctism here. Then wrap you head around the author’s concluding statement:

Like it or not, it is Christmastime. Millions of people around the world celebrate it. And it will continue to be celebrated. No one is forcing anyone to acknowledge it, just as no one will take away my right to say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays.

[Ok, just imagine an impassioned rant from Your Montag against slippery-slopism, strawmanism and ignoratio elenchi (red herringism) here.]

Anyone have any idea how many battles in the War On Christmas, play out like this one? Which was roughly like this:

“I prefer ‘X’.”


[Please excuse this post thusly: It’s Wednesday: the day of the week we ordinarily bring heavy political issues down to the comic strip level of discourse. So, why not take the lazy way out and look at an already comic, and comically fake, issue?]

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