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What Movie Is Iraq?

October 18, 2006

The Neverending Story: A boy seeks to escape the troubles of reality within the pages of a mysterious story-book. He is drawn into mythical Fantasia, a land where he is heralded as a hero. That boy is the United States. … You know what? I don’t want US to delude ourselves that this is anything but fantasy. We must wake up to the destruction we have wrought in real-life Iraq.

–Falkor

High Noon: When the marshal decides he must courageously face the outlaws that would destroy him, the townsfolk refuse to help. He still kicks some major outlaw ass, though! The President knows he can’t cut and run, and he must face the terrorists. … You know what? I don’t think we should leave our Sheriff to face the terrorists alone.

–Gizzard

The Cutting Edge 2, Going for the Gold: Iraq is the daughter of 1992 Winter Olympics Gold medallists Kate Moseley and Doug Doursey. She grows up with ambitions of winning her own Olympic gold but that ambition seems to come to an end when she has a career threatening injury. Enter The United States as her new pairs skate partner and a new chance at Olympic Gold. But can they set aside their stubbornness long enough to actually win the game? [IMDb] … You know what? Victory is only possible if Iraq can set aside its stubbornness long enough for US to gain strategic control of its assets and declare victory.

–Chaplain Montag of the First Knights of the 19 Quart Lobster Pot

The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King: “As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else … It’s being drawn to Iraq and it’s not being drawn to the U.S. … You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don’t want the Eye to come back here to the United States.”

–Senator Rick Santorum
[Bucks County Courier Times: Santorum defends Iraq war]

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Ken from Ken's Kitchen permalink
    October 19, 2006 5:07 PM

    President Blandings Builds His Dream CountryA president and his advisors decide they can afford to have a gleaming showcase for laissez-faire economics in the Middle East built to their specifications. It’s a lot more trouble than they think!

  2. Montag permalink
    October 19, 2006 11:03 PM

    <>The Money Pit:<> Donald Rumsfeld and George Bush have to start looking for a new house- but there’s not much they can afford! This soon changes when they meet a lonely old con-artist who sells them a beautiful mansion at a ridiculously low price. Only there’s a catch. The second Rummy and Dubya move in to the house it falls apart, starting from the stairway, to the bath falling through the roof to eventually the chimney falling into the house! Finally, they have to renovate the house before the frame collapses but the renovations also prove to be a disaster.

  3. Ken from Ken's Kitchen permalink
    October 20, 2006 9:05 AM

    <>Sweet Smell of Success<> (2003) G.W. Bush, president of the United States, is determined to prevent his two daughters from marrying Saddam Hussein, a Middle East dictator. He therefore covertly employs Paul Wolfowitz, his sleazy and unscrupulous U.S. Deputy Secretary of Defense, to break up the affair by any means possible.

  4. The June Taylor Dancers permalink
    October 20, 2006 9:50 AM

    We <><>love<><> this movie! It’s <><>so<><> romantic!<>Baghdad<> (2003) In war torn Baghdad, Rick Blaine, exiled American and former freedom fighter, runs the most popular nightspot in town, the Green Zone Cafe. Cynical lone wolf Blaine comes into the possession of two valuable letters of transit. When the head of Coalition Provisional Authority, Paul Bremer, arrives in Baghdad, the sycophantic interim Baghdad police chief Zuhir Abdul Razaq does what he can to please him, including detaining Abu Abbas, the leader of a Palestinian terror group. Much to Rick’s surprise, Bremer arrives with one of D.C.’s favorite power children, Simone Ledeen, Rick’s one time love. Rick is very bitter towards Simone, who ran out on him to co-found a cooking school, but when he learns she had good reason to, they plan to run off together again after she finishes managing the country’s $13 billion budget, using the letters of transit.

  5. MarkC permalink
    October 21, 2006 10:30 AM

    Charly (1968) George W. “Charly” Bush is a mildly retarded scion of a wealthy but politically myopic family. He does poorly at school, work, and even has to be bailed out of his military commitment by friends of his influential father. Charly is taken to the clinic of Dr. Rove, where he is introduced to Algernon, a mouse who has had a small chunk of Hitler’s brain grafted onto his own. Algernon has organized the other laboratory mice into an efficient mouse chorus, capable of singing showtunes such as “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man” from “Showboat.” Dr. Rove laughs as he tells Charly what became of the mice that couldn’t carry a tune. Inspired, Charly asks if he can have a piece of Hitler’s brain, too. After the operation, Charly slowly becomes more and more politically adept, and eventually becomes president of the United States of America. However, midway through his second term, he receives the news that Algernon not only regressed and died, but that the laboratory mice could never really sing and that Dr. Rove had simply hidden a tape recorder that played tapes a little too fast. What will happen to Charly?

  6. Ken from Ken's Kitchen permalink
    October 22, 2006 9:05 AM

    <>Shane<> (2006)Shane rides into a conflict between between the Mahdi Army and the Badr Corps, which is viewed by many in the Iraqi-nationalist Mahdi Army as the tool of a foreign power. When Shane beats up a Mahdi Army leader in Amara, Muqtada al-Sadr (the young spiritual leader of the Sadr Movement) tries to buy him. Then Shane and Kasim take on the whole Sadr crew. Sadr sends to Basra for truly evil gunslinger Salaheddin. Shane must clear out all the guns from the valley before he can ride off with Kasim hollering “Shane … Shane … Come Back!”

  7. mistah charley, ph.d. permalink
    October 23, 2006 10:52 AM

    Texas Chainsaw MassacreLoud noises, screaming, blood, homicidal maniacs, dismembered bodies, obscene profits.PG-13.

  8. The June Taylor Dancers permalink
    October 24, 2006 1:11 PM

    <><>Eeewww!<><> We liked the Gary Cooper version <><>better!<><><>A Farewell To Arms<> (2004)In a hospital south of Baghdad, hundreds of Iraqi men, women and children “practically dismembered by explosions” are being treated while ambulance driver Lt. Henry and Nurse Catherine Barkley fall in love.

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