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Neil Shakespeare Fan Fiction

April 29, 2006

The Rich
21st Century Rich

So, Greg Palast says that in an uncharacteristic display of competence, OFFAL is able, in his own way, to truly declare, “mission accomplished” in Iraq. (The mission in Iraq being to drive up the price of oil, as a favor to his buddies in the business.) Some don’t think it was such an act of competence, but rather just of blind loyalty to the same buddies — who do seem to have benefited quite nicely as they’re hauling in record-crushing profits, and in at least one highly publicized case, deploying an astounding $398 million golden parachute. If that isn’t the measure of success and accomplishment in this bold nation of ours, than I don’t know what is!

But which amoral creature is OFFAL? A highly capable Machiavellian oil baron? Or an incompetent, hapless stooge to his oily overlords? What is it that drives the man to deadly acts of violence and exploitation?

He just doesn’t give a fuck.

This is a guy who wants to be liked. He wants to please everybody; and he’s insanely optimistic about his ability to do so. But here’s the catch: he doesn’t give a fuck if you’re actually pleased once you’re no longer in the same room with him!

The oilers secret to winning his loyalty? Stay in the same room with him at all times. Who else but those playing for the highest of financial stakes would have the staying power and the constitution to endure such a regimen?

Why else would his handlers be so careful to keep him isolated? Could you imagine the havoc that would be wrought if the ‘wrong’ folks were allowed access to the room? He’d be calling off wars, housing hurricane survivors, pledging to do something about genocide in Sudan, or funding research into alternative energy so that we could reduce our oil dependence…

STOP IT! YOU’RE SCARING ME!

Don’t worry, Dear Reader, OFFAL is still safe and sound in his bubble. And besides, he just doesn’t give a fuck.

Yeah. Anyway — there’s this Neil Shakespeare guy who does cut-and-paste artwork and he has a blog and a website about it. It’s pretty neat stuff. On the blog, he writes stories to go with it.

In looking at his work, an idea occurred to me that I might try my hand at one. Above is my attempt.

It sucks.

The painting in the background is The Rich by Fernando Botero. The Hummer and Our Leaders I found lying around on the internets.

Check out how it’s really done.

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6 Comments
  1. Anonymous permalink
    April 29, 2006 12:08 PM

    LOL! Hey, that’s not so bad. That’s great! I keep seeing Bush sticking his ass out the window of the hummer and mooning us all. Got anything like that? Thanks for the kind words about my blog.

  2. April 30, 2006 11:13 PM

    My pleasure, Anonymous. (Neil, right?)

    That is Bush sticking his ass out the window of the hummer and mooning us all. His back end looks the same as his front end. They’re interchangeable. To him, it’s kinda like Saddam having all those stand-in look-alikes.

    Why did you post anonymously? Was it modesty?

  3. May 1, 2006 3:57 PM

    it doesn’t suck. as a matter of fact, it’s rather cute

  4. May 1, 2006 4:07 PM

    I think you did great with your cut and paste. Bush is the kid in school who, no matter what he did, someone else always got the blame. He’s the kid you always wanted to kick squarely in the nuts. He’s just older now but the kick to the peanuts desire is still the same with me.

  5. May 2, 2006 7:40 PM

    I thank you for the kind words. Maybe “sucks” was a strong word, but it pales in comparison to what Neil does.

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