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People With Social Networks and Conversational Skills Torture Me

September 20, 2005

At a party:
“So where do you live in [town name]?”
“Do you know where [subdivision name] is?”
“Oh yeah! You live there? You must know [person’s name].”
“No, can’t say as I do.”
“Oh. Do you know [another person’s name]?”
[Sigh.] Here we go. “No.”
“What street do you live on?”
Where is this going? “[Street name].”
“Well then you have to know [yet another person’s name].”
I don’t have to know shit. “No I don’t.” This fucker knows more people in my fucking neighborhood than I do… Dag, I’m a loser.
Dag, this guy’s a loser. Doesn’t he know any of his own neighbors? “What about [yet another fucking person’s name] they live right near there in the brown house on the corner.”
“Ahhh! Is that the white haired guy with the Doberman?”
What the heck is this guy talking about? “No, he’s a brown-haired guy, our age, with a golden retriever.”
“Oh. I don’t know him then.” Just fuckin’ shoot me so I don’t have to be in this conversation anymore.

You there, with the extensive social network and the conversational skills, you of the socially apt, do you not realize how torturously pointless this is to us introverted non-networker-types? Yeah yeah, I know nobody, you know everybody. Nothing is going to change that.

Nothing is going to change that.

Dag, I’m a loser.

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